MASTER PNESS, ESQ. & HEAD HAGGLER, CFO.

KAWS Chum Key Holder Anal Beads

masterpness — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:22:50 +0000

Hey KAWS-you are overated as fuck! My kid from baby momma #6, the crackhead, does iller shit than you. How many dicks did you suck to get to where you are? Is this a payback gift to all those dudes? Did Satan tell you when you sold your soul, Hey KAWS make me an anal bead keychain so I can fuck you with it in Hell?

By the way, if you wanna know what it feels like to take it in da ass spend $100 on one of deez overrated ass poundaz…

Itz been awile

masterpness — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:58:03 +0000

If thars 1 thang MasterPness does well, its smoke herb. I’m so good at it in factz, that I forget to blog fo like a month or 2. I apologize-now-back to biznass.
Adidas Originals Jeremy Scott 3 Tongue Attitude Preview
I haddnt looked at any hypey shit lately but today dis one product brought me outta retirement. Hey Adidas. Maybe a friend of a friend of tha dipshit who let dis happen is readin this. YOU ARE THA REASON ADIDAS HAS NO STREET CRED. This iz tha kind of shoe gays in Prison wear so you kno who will trade ya a BJ for some heroin.

—more MasterPness—
Now we gonna see Kanyewannabes wearing 3 pairs of denim just so they can layer per tounge. As if my life didnt suck enough already

I’m Back Bitches!

masterpness — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:31:56 +0000

Ok, let me explainz meself. So Masta Pness got a little crunk last Wednesday night and allegedly punched a cop. Now doez dat sound like somethan MP would do? Fuck yeah it does. I’m out now, caught up with some old friendz in tha joint and did some of that networkin so my homeys have something to laugh at while waitin fo their next conjugal. I ain’t gonna try to catch up on all da garbage dat passed me up while in the clink so let’s move on to tadays offrins.
Converse shuld only make solid color kicks. Red, Blue, Black, White, maybe green. Nothin should ever be tye dyed. Not even a bong.

I don’t know what this is or what it is for but it is fuckin fresh! Sort of like smokin green at will wonkas crib.

Wow. I don’t know what this shit sez, but I hope it is an escape plan in case yo friends catch you wearin these kicks. Like run around the dumpster and throw the kicks in it. Or run down the street and dump the kicks in tha sewer. You get the idea.

I cant tell ya enuf how good it be to be free again. I feel like Martin Luther X and shit. MP is off to smoke a spliff with Head Haggla to regroup and discuss our retailiation.

Jean Claude Vangayed

masterpness — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 06:21:25 +0000

Hey VNGRD! Tht whl drppng th vwls bllsht is so 2006. Any brand still doin dat shit is some kind of trustafarian who just found out about Dunks and took his Daddy’s black card and started another wack ass clothing “brand.” Have fun in Bushwick fagz.

Keep readin snitches!
For those of you kidz who don’t know whut dis design is all about pat yoself on tha back. It is a rip off of an old busted ass Oakley sunglasses. Whut you don’t know whut Oakley’s are? They are the white trash, Nascar-lovin, jailbait humpin, construction workin, mullet wearin, confederate tandana sportin, 30 rack of Busch drinkin, luxury (to them) accessory of choice.

Dis Nigga must be black!

masterpness — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 04:18:59 +0000

Roland Berry…are you black? And while you answerin dat question, are you a 45-year-old black woman? Are you by any chance a receptionist at an auto body shop? Is yo address start with “227″ by any chance? Becauwse only a 45-year-old black woman secretary would ever think dis shit lookz good. Now get yo feet off my plastic couch boy! befo I wap you ova da head!

Get A Life

masterpness — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:54:53 +0000

Wow, I bet this shirt took longer to get out of the box than it took to design it. And yet all tha little Long Island wannabe crackas will be jockin it to the next date rapeathon.
You betta buy two of each because you know your hairgel and bronzing cream gonna stain up tha first.

Kid Blowbot

masterpness — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:49:54 +0000

Designa flip flops? Really? Is dis a joke? Last I checked you wear flip flops cuz the guards make ya. And trust Master Pness, you wear deez shits in jail and yo asshole be soundin like a conch shell.

Easter Weekend Garbage

masterpness — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:45:59 +0000

Why is it dat everytime a sneaka company tries to make somethan “Rock and Roll” they make it look “guido a go-go?” I dont kno many rock and roll type crackas but the ones I do know would neva rock this shit-not even at a wedding! Rock and roll is about…

poundin 12 Busch Lights, flingin long sweaty hair on each other and wearing hand me downs from Ol’ Sal. Deez kicks be like a death sentence. You wear this shit into a rock bar and you gonna get sodomized rock n roll style.

3 Blind Mice

masterpness — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 00:21:02 +0000

Awww shit. This nigga thinks he’s the first one to invent Gucci art. Shit dog, I was sellin Gucci art, as well as purses,wallets, wacthes, temporary tattoos, hair clipz, slap bracelets, chewin gum, sunglasses, drinking cups, koozies, ice chests, sneakas, thongs, bikinis, spare tire covers, seat covers, furniture, lamp shades, clocks, wall paper, and thumb rings at the swap meet since 1985. Do yo homework bitch!

Are Koreans like retarded people or somthan? I’m just tryin to figure out how people could be amazed by a string of garage sale stuffed animals. Email me if you know if koreans are mentally slow.

Man, Levi’s is fresh out of ideas – Deez shits are busted. I think my cousin has about 40 pairs of these in size 36-34 if you are interested. Of course they are from workin construction and are actually dirty so you probably wouldnt like them.

Dis next item is weerd. From a far I like this jacket-I’d neva rock it but if I was some punk rock superstar Id want to wear this shit on stage. But then I saw it was Keith Herring’s art who in my opinion is overrated as fuck.Why is it that art snobs like shit that a crackhead’s 4 year old could do? better.

Finally, I was beginning to think everything in teh fashoon world sucked.Nike you did a great job wit these.Only if they r for girls. On a girl you would look all sweet and innocent and shit. (even though I know you dirty as hell.) On a dude you just look sad and creepy.

Master Pness Approved!

Now I juz think peeps be fucking wit me

masterpness — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:36:18 +0000

It wuz a long weeknd fo MastaPness. I hope dis itchin and burnin endz real soon. Let’s get to work son. Frst up we have the Alife/Rogue Status Everybody mids. Does Rogue status even have a graphic designa nemore? Seriously-this repeatin guns shit is like 3 yearz old. Itz borin. If deez dudes eva left their gated community and came to my hood they woudnt think dis gun shit was all that. Let me see how much you love guns when every month anotha one of yo classmatez aint in class no mo.

Whut da fuck is dis bodega shit? Only a honky suburban cracka would want to have to get outa can opener to get their generic ass t-shirt out. I think my cousin got a shirt like dis from Geico last year. He uses it to wash his car.

White people rejoice! New Balance finally made a wack sneaker wacker! It’s all white, perfect for yo gramps.

Oh Hell No! Jorts? Is diz a April Fools prank? Jortz need to stay in tha 90′s along with mom jeans. Dis shit is neva cool unless you cut off yo old jeans and you are a slut. Ladies, jortz are alwayz tha way to go just make sho yo butt cheeks be flappin in da wind.

Now I know someone be fuckin wit me. My momz used to paint Keds at da flea market for old ladies and she did dis exact same watermelon bullshit. It wasn’t cool then eitha.

Shit, I wouldn’t wish deez on my worst enemy. Yo, your dress shoes aint dat comfatable? No shit. Don’t play basketball in dem. Whut are lawyas like litrally chasin amblances deez days? Is da econmy that bad?